"Mommy Happy!"

This summer has just flown by and we are approaching the close to another "productive" anniversary year. I put quotations around "productive" because it seems regardless of how hard we try, Stephen and I love to make everything happen all at once during harvest season. Let's have babies during the craziest time possible work-wise, ok? For the second time I am stressing about what it will be like going into labor on the other side of the island, if Stephen is in the middle of harvest at rush hour. But, as we have said countless times, God is always faithful, and this too will be quite the story post-delivery. I had such a wonderful experience with Winthrop University Hospital, that I made a point to plan around moving back to our apartment for the last two weeks of this pregnancy and deliver there again. Hindsight...would have done something different. But, I am grateful for the overwhelming support of loving grandparents and godparents to get me through that weird decision I am now settled in.

This pregnancy has been trying for me. I was warned by other mothers that each consecutive child is more painful than the last, but I also heard that every pregnancy is totally different... and you hope that you will be that annoyingly blessed woman who has an easy pregnancy and carries perfectly with a smile and high heels until delivery day. I have not had one of those yet and don't think I'm proportioned for it. With increasingly incredible pain the likes of which I did not experience with Aria until the very end, it has felt like third trimester since the middle of second, and now at 33 weeks, feels like I should be done already. He flipped much later than Aria did which was a new sensation for a while...stomping on my cervix instead of kicking my ribs. Not sure I could tell you which I prefer... Now that he's finally flipped, we're back in the bathroom 30 times a day. So much pressure and pain. So many sleepless nights. Still 6+ weeks until my due date. All things considered I do hate complaining about pregnancy woes. I will take a healthy baby over an easy pregnancy any day. Little boy is doing wonderfully. In fact, God be merciful, I have a feeling he is going to be a big boy. If my belly is any indicator, holy wow. We shall see but he already measures ahead of the average. Every Sunday I check the WTE update to learn what miraculous milestone he has accomplished as we anxiously wait for him on the other side. There is nothing in this world quite like feeling a little person develop and stretch, grow and move inside you. Each day I wake up with a new appreciation for just how impossible each woman's journey to bring forth life is, and yet God takes our weak and exhausted bodies and gives us a resilience that defies everything we think we cannot endure.

In other areas of Scarnato life, we have been enjoying many golden hours on our North Fork porch. So many exciting things have happened this summer it's hard to recap all of them, but taking photos along the way has helped.

Some memories to highlight:

• Ally & JC's wedding pictures came out almost as magical as the day itself. 
• Our first endeavor with Camp Canaan, an attempt at a unique work camp experience. High schoolers from our church community came to stay with us for a week without the use of social media technology. They worked with Stephen in the vineyards and learned to prepare meals at night. Devotions, breakfast, and team building activities in the mornings; and firepit, worship, and a speaker in the evenings after dinner. We ended the week with a feast prepared by the campers for the campers' parents. Looking back, we all believe it to have been a wonderful success and blessing to all involved, and hope that Camp Canaan is something we can host every summer. All the good pictures from that week provided by the lovely Eowyn Innes.
• We also pulled off a murder mystery date night with 14 people on my birthday. The pastry chef (Sarah Miller) killed the heiress (Sara Jimenez). Aria was so confused at all the characters that showed up to her house that night. 
• Numerous bbqs and visits from family.
• The surprise weekend when Jamesport Fire Department held a carnival, parade, and fireworks all of which somehow wound up in our backyard. Since our home is on farm land, they have apparently been ending the parade and setting the fireworks off in it for years. We had no idea it was coming, but thoroughly enjoyed the show.
• Vineyard things.
• Aria's first cookie baking.

Our first summer out here, though incredibly fast paced and exhausting, has been full of memories we never thought would belong to us a year ago. It has been our goal to intentionally fill this home God has given us with as much love and hospitality as it can hold. We are so happy out here and really feel it is where God has put us for now. Business has been steadily expanding and we are in the midst of trying various projects, and learning about what progresses and stunts growth. It is very exciting to be working together on something we both enjoy and finding that it can be profitable. Yesterday was my first class with HSLDA Online Academy. I am very excited to be teaching again, and to be able to do it from my own home while still being present with my children. The options out there for homeschoolers now are so impressive and I am really looking forward to being a part of it all.

It is unclear how much Aria understands about my pregnancy. I wonder often if she has just accepted the new normal of calling Mommy's ever-expanding belly, "Baby Leo," (Name spoiler if you read my blog ;-P) or if she has some sense of what "big sister" and "little brother" mean. We have little conversations all the time now, and it is becoming easier to communicate so much of what she is working out. Stephen and I marvel every day at the amazing new language milestones she hits and plays around with. One of the funniest elements that I feel is unique to her is that she speaks of herself in third person. Maybe lots of kids do, but it was unexpected for me. Rather than saying things like "Me want," or "I want," it is "Ya Ya have it" or "Ya Ya" followed by whatever she is claiming ownership of or asking a question about. I think she can say "Aria" but chooses to call herself "Ya Ya" because it's easier, and it has stuck for all of us as well. I am proud that "Thank you" was one of the first things she learned to say to strangers, which melts pretty much anyone's heart when we go out. "Happy Tootie, Mommy" was wished me hundreds of times for my birthday, and "Happy Tootie" is now something Aria wishes most everyone because of the reaction she gets. She has an incredible memory for landmarks and people's names, knows all the animals and their noises, all the colors, how to count to three, and can name all of her body parts. My favorite is somehow she picked up that the area above her knees are "chunky thighs."One memory I will treasure deep in my heart is the first time she said "I lovey you too, Momma." She says it back to both of us now, and lays it on thick with the follow up, "Mommy happy!" Wild is the struggle between communication and a powerful will, but Stephen and I live for the sweet moments in between where we are connecting and can experience her kind heart, which is so evident in all of it.

We have begun the slow journey towards potty training. Aria is still little and my hopes are not high that she will master anything by the time her brother arrives in a couple weeks. However, we got the ball started after I began watching the son one of the farmers who works the land we live on. Blake is 3 and always brings his potty with him when he gets dropped off. This completely fascinated Aria and she wanted one of her own. The first two days we had her new potty seat and stool in the house she did not poop in her diaper one time. But, after that she got bored and regressed. I suppose there are easier ways to earn M&Ms.

My entire pregnancy I have battled conflicting emotions of excitement and sadness, as is natural while we anticipate Aria's graduation from only child. I have had moments of absolute bliss feeling this new life preparing to join our family, and excitement to start a new adventure with a little boy. I am sure he will own my heart in his own personal and different way. But I have also experienced some moments of deep sorrow at the idea that Aria is no longer going to be my only baby, and that she is going to need to learn how to share in a way I worry she will not understand, but that will be good for both of us. I know from what other mothers have encouraged me, and from my own experience adding Aria to our clan, that this is not something I will fully appreciate until Leo is here. I know that my heart is already making extra room for him and that he will join our family as seamlessly and completely as she did. But, I do want to reach out to every mother who has felt this trepidation and assure them that I empathize. Major life changes always seem to hurt most before they happen, and yet once they do, you look back and marvel at the perspective you did not have yet, and the depth of richness that has opened up for you since now you do.

I keep coming back to this idea as I maintain the Pensieve. I may never accomplish anything the world would see as monumental, or revolutionary. But, for me, this is the greatest gift I could ever give myself or my family. I believe that this is a life project worth the time and investment because it is an opportunity for me to look back at how it felt to be where I was during a specific time, how I thought before my world changed over and over again throughout the course of my lifetime. It is capturing those little feelings and worries for my children as they go through life themselves, and connecting with them in their moment on the same page of their own story. To some extent we can never really relate in the same way once we are standing on the other side of a milestone someone is approaching. I am happy to announce that the Pensieve's first year is officially bound in hard copy. On my first post I expressed the hope that I would be able to accomplish that, and as we draw near to our 4th anniversary, I have enough posts for a second year book as well. God has been so good to Stephen and I in these last four years and I feel that in taking the time to reflect I have been able to appreciate them well.

Looking forward to adding one more post for this Pensieve year (September to September) including our family maternity shoot and details from celebrating our 4th anniversary. <3